She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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