Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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