Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
