im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
