So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
