so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
