i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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