I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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