What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
