I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize