haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
