that's an acceptable place to lick
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
