Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
