4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize