Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
