I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
