i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
