He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
