sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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