You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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