dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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