Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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