I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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