remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Text me some of your sweat
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
