Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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