to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
