theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
