he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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