I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
