I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize