she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
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