I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
