guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
