The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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