how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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