Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
