What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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