just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
