I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
