I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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