i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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