Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
