nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
