my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
