Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
