I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
