Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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