Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
