You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
