The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
