By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
