There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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