take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
