dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
