you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
