Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
