I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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