I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
