Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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