Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
