The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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