i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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