I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
