I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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