first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
